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February 2020

Single Life

Tummy troubles!

February 3, 2020

So this is actually my boyfriend’s mate’s date story, but it’s so horrifically genius I’ve told EVERYONE.

FYI… this is not a pretty story and make sure you’ve already eaten before reading this.

So this guy was casually dating a new lady in his life. They went out for a curry together and then went back to his place. He mentioned at this point to my boyfriend that he had bit of a dicky tummy before heading to bed…He said he woke up in pain from his dicky belly and realised he had ‘soiled’ himself in the bed with his new lady friend laying next to it. He ran to his bathroom, cleaned himself up and then apparently gone back to the bed and nudged her into the soiled patch! Then crept back into the other side of the bed. His plan was to make her think SHE had done it instead of him. She woke up mortified and crying from embarrassment and saying how sorry she was. He told her it was ok and not to worry about it.

She did obviously realise shortly afterwards that it actually wasn’t her. I don’t think they went back out after that… No surprise 

 I don’t think I’d call a guy after he rolled me in his poop.
Ps. His friend is in his 30s.

Single Life

The Runaway

February 3, 2020

This was one of the most awful dates ever, so here goes…

At uni I matched with a guy on tinder. I saw him a few time’s on nights out and eventually agreed to a date! 

We went to a really nice Italian in the city, really quiet and romantic! We’re chatting away and I was having some issues hearing him and just took a second to adjust my hearing aid. The look on his face was a picture and he started looking around to see if anyone else had noticed what I was doing. 
After we ate, in mostly silence since he was obviously speechless by my lack of hearing he said he needed the bathroom.

After about 15 minutes I was wondering what was keeping him. They waiter came over and I asked him if he could go and check on my date. He came back to tell me my date had left!! Not only did he leave, he kindly let me pay for his meal too! I was mortified!

A few hours later I got a text saying “my Granny wears a hearing aid and now I can’t stop picturing her when I look at you. I don’t think I should see you again!” 

Single Life

Whiplash in the Cinema

February 3, 2020

A friend of mine set me up with one of her friends, she just gave me his Snapchat and we started talking. We got on pretty well so when he asked me if I wanted to go on a date I was looking forward to it. Due to work/ training  there was only one movie on a day and time that suited us both that week. Eager to go on the date we both agreed to go to that particular movie. When we were talking on Snapchat he kept saying that I didn’t need to bring any money he was going to pay for everything etc etc. 

The day came and we were set to meet at 6:30 and the movie was to start at 7. I was there on time, he texted and said his bus was late he’d be there around five to. I said ok grand I’ll go up to the cinema and buy the tickets, I was in the line and saw one of my friends was working so I went over to her. I was really nervous because it was one of my first dates ever, my friend asked what movie I wanted to see where I wanted to sit etc. I was talking to her for about 5 mins and still no sign of him. Eventually he arrived, I recognised him and walked over to give him a hug. We went into the cinema just as the ads were starting. We found our seats and sat down. (Side note I’d never heard him speak before and aged 17 his voice still hadn’t broken yet, nothing he could have done about it I suppose but it felt like I was on a date with a 12 year old boy). 

To this day it was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, I was uncomfortable

  1. Because I’d never met him in person before and now we couldn’t really talk because the movie had started. 
  2. Because the movie was awful so I was forced to think about how awkward the situation was

As I was thinking about how awkward I was feeling and fact we had been together for over 90 mins and had barely spoken to one another, this boy decided he wanted a cuddle. I was sitting in the chair as you do. When without warning his arm reached over behind my back and pulled me over towards him with such force He strained my neck. (This creak in my neck served as a memory of this awful date for the following few days). To make matters worse he had pulled me into such an uncomfortable position so I could only see the top half of the screen. For the second half of the movie me being my awkward self didn’t move. I spent the rest of the movie thinking of excuses to sit up. I couldn’t do it I sat for what felt like an eternity with my head pretty much under his armpit. 

When the movie ended (finally), he suggested a walk. I vividly remember the sharp pain as I nodded my head. We went on this walk and walked past my bus stop, “oh my bus is in three minutes” I said, “it’s only early you can’t go home yet” he replied. I was too awkward to argue with him. He suggested we go to McDonalds only thirty seconds up the road. I don’t mind paying on a date by any means but from the way this boy was talking the past few days and seeing as I had gotten the cinema tickets I assumed he would pay for my nuggets and chips. Wrong. We sat down in a deserted McDonalds making awkward small talk until the next bus arrived. He walked me to the bus stop and I went home and put a hot water bottle on my neck.